Delhi Delights

24 Hours in a Day is obviously not enough

Arriving into a slightly foggy city at 1 am in the morning, I slowly recalled my previous experiences of Delhi - memory recollection seemingly enhanced by the aroma of low-grade fuel and cheap cigarettes, mingling with the remnants of the dusty heat of day.

As I was shuttled from the airport to the ‘retreat’ venue where I will spend the next fortnight in back to back strategy meetings (joy), I remembered an ever-increasing number of things from my first work trip to Delhi about 4 years ago when I worked for Amnesty. I also realised that this was an experience I had hitherto confounded to the depths of memory on account of the inexcusable waste of professional time and personal energy it had involved, coupled with the unique experience of gaining the ability to thread seemingly unending streams of steaming hot shit through the eye of a needle for two days while reeling from a feverish temperature that felt like I’d been on a fortnight’s package holiday to Mercury.

Sure, Delhi is different to how it was 4 years ago. The number of enormous new business and residential buildings in various stages of completion, and the unsubtle harsh concrete imposition of the Delhi Metro elevated trackways are perhaps the most obvious.

But working with the label of India as an 'emerging economy', it's interesting to note the areas of the country that have emerged the most, and those that appear to be being left behind.

In particular, my journey through one of the new business districts of Delhi – complete with shining offices for Ericsson, Deutsche Bank, Canon, RBS and Du Pont – was juxtaposed with the absolutely bonkers driving ‘skills’ that seem to prevail in all number of countries where the level of infrastructural development is as up-to-date as the modern usage of the English language.

Night driving in India seems to involve use of beam headlamps to on-coming trucks who helpfully reciprocate, leading to that unique experience of temporary blindness at the moment of passing/impact. This is combined with wanton use of the horn during all manoeuvres, particularly those involving junctions of any sort. I was particularly surprised when my driver began edging onto a roundabout in the opposite direction to the traffic flow – a sharp inhalation of breath on my part may have prevented him from proceeding into the path of the few, albeit very real and very heavy, oncoming vehicles on the streets at such a time of day.

Subtle, aerodynamic, quiet and low-pollution ...they are not.
Also on the subject of Indian road vehicles, I also noticed the colourful decoration and melodious horns of trucks. This strikes me as prime turd-polishing akin to the make-up artistry of a hooker who’s well passed her hire-by date – it may look pretty on the surface, but closer inspection reveals that it’s pretty damn ugly, smelly and dirty, belches foul malodourous plumes of smoke and will probably seriously injure you if you get too close.

The other thing that keeps me entertained are the shop and product signs and names, for example: a shop sign reading “Aquarium: Exotic Birds. & Dog”, the many English Wine and Beer shops (half marks awarded for effort), and Godfather Lite beer (“Make him an offer he can think about for a short while”).

The Indian adventure continues with a trip to Agra to see the Taj Mahal at the weekend. Delhi belly permitting…